Putting up some thoughts about fasting. As I sit here partaking in another friday night-fast (12/30/11), I feel compelled to look deeper into it. I refuse to look up scripture on Google. Time to open up this beautiful bible and actually look for myself. Jesus fasted for forty entire days and nights in the wilderness. I want to know why! I want to know how! I want to know! Ahh, just thinking about partaking in something my Savior partook in gives me joy.
In July, the people at JAMA challenged us to fast at least once a week. I chose to fast every friday night. I’ve been fasting almost every friday night since, but in all honesty.. I feel like I don’t have that strong of an understanding of what fasting really is all about. I probably won’t.. until someone with more knowledge explains it to me. Regardless, I’m going to delve into scripture and try to find out for myself. Spirit, lead me! Here goes.
I think fasting can be used to describe the abstinence from anything but I think it particularly pertains to food and/or drink, especially in the bible. Fasting is probably very prominent in the Old Testament, but.. unfortunately I have little to no knowledge of the Old Testament.. so I’ll be looking at the New Testament. Moop. Seriously want to read the O.T. soon. Anyways..
Matthew is where I see the first mention of fasting in the N.T. "And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you." Matt. 6:16-18. — What I get from this is that fasting should be done in complete humility. Fasting shouldn’t be a means for self-glorification, although in many ways it can be. By boasting about our fast, we may receive earthly “glory”, but it ends there. We’ve received our reward. But when we fast in secrecy and humility, our Father is pleased with not only our fasting but our complete submission to His ultimate glorification.
"Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast…’" Matt. 9:14-15. — It seems that fasting is correlated to mourning. I guess it’s like this.. very solemn form of worship. I think Jesus answers John’s disciples by saying something like "I, the bridegroom, am already here. This is a time of rejoicing, not a time of mourning. When I go to be with the Father.. then they will fast. So take a chill pill John’s disciples, chill. :]” Okay I totally added that last part. But I think I understand the gist of what Jesus is saying here. I pray that I’m understanding the correct things.
Next I found something about it in Luke. "Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:10-14. — What I get from this parable is that.. anybody can fast. Fasting may have this “holy” connotation to it, but anybody can do it. However, not anybody can do it with the right heart. The Pharisee proclaims to God (as if He doesn’t already know. *rolls eyes* haha) that he fasts twice a week, tithes, and is essentially more “righteous” than other men. But we see this illustration of the Tax Collector, who is SO anguished that he cannot even bare to lift his eyes up to heaven. He is justified, while the Pharisee is not. Again, Jesus is stressing the humility that has to come hand in hand with fasting. I think He’s also saying here that fasting means absolutely NOTHING, if our heart is not in line with the Spirit’s. If we have no intentions of glorifying God, then why fast? We are like the Pharisee who fasts in complete vain.
Ahhh and Acts. "Now there were in the church of Antioch prophets and teachers, Barnabas, Simeon who was called Niger, Lucius of Cyrene, Manaen a member of the court of Herod the tetrarch, and Saul. While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, ‘Set apart for me Barnabus and Saul for the work to which I have called them.’ Then after fasting and praying they laid their hands on them and sent them off." Acts 13:1-3. — I love that fasting is mentioned in Acts. I can’t help but see Acts as the book of genuine and ideal worship. It’s just so real and passionate. And I never noticed this before, but the Holy Spirit is talking? Ohmy.. lol, I can’t even imagine. The prophets and teachers weren’t just worshiping, but they were also fasting simultaneously. Worshiping with empty stomachs, but probably being completely filled and nourished by the Spirit. True fasting must be something that is in line with true worship.
Well. I think that’s all for tonight. I’m also reminded of what my cousin Eddie said to me about fasting. "If you genuinely want to know what God wants you to do in some area of your life, I suggest fasting. Fasting is a great way to stand out and show God that you mean business."
I mean business Father! I want to be set apart for You in a radical, powerful way. You know how much I love food, but my love for food can’t even begin to compare to my love for You. As I continue to fast these friday nights, I pray that I may be able to fast in a way that is glorifying and pleasing to You Lord. Thank You. All honor, praise, and glory be to You.
Retreat was a huge blessing. Learned and was reminded of so many things.
Looking back at the retreat, I can’t help but feel so humbalized. As I was coming back home, I couldn’t shake this feeling of sorrow in my heart. Why was I feeling so down? When I got home, I just prayed and sat in silence. So much self-reflection.
I’m so unworthy as a brother, as a friend, as a servant of God. I get unreasonably jealous so easily. I am so disgustingly arrogant. The wickedness in my flesh is so.. immense. I am honestly so surprised at how depraved I am. These past few days have seriously opened my eyes. How could I be so blind? But I needed this reminder.. I needed this deep self inspection. If I continue to live with this crap inside of me and I’m not struggling to get rid of it, then it’s seriously going to hinder my growth in God. I need to keep checking myself. My thoughts, my actions, my words. Everything needs to be kept in check constantly.
Father.. how could You love me? How can You promise me ALL THESE THINGS, when all I do is constantly break Your heart? How do You continue to deal with me even when I put myself before You, even when I chase another lover, even when I’m doing everything You don’t want me doing.. How.. I will never be able to fathom Lord.. but although my understanding of You is so small, I am so thankful. I am in complete awe of Your love for me.. absolutely amazing.. You are so worthy.. Ahh.. but Father, please help me.. Save me from myself. Empty me, and fill me with YOU. MORE, Lord more! Please. Like a child reaching out, I’m asking for so much more of YOU. Bless me so that I may bless YOU. You know how much I love You Father.. Please continue to use me. I will continue to pursue You, I will continue to seek Your heart, I will continue to love You. because You are.. so.. good.
My soul sings.. My soul SINGS My soul sings.. How I love You..
Jesus.. I can only see Your cross.. and I am brought to my knees.
Was blessed to meet up with the family in New York. All the gift-giving and smiles were heart warming. Ahh, just being with the loved ones makes me so happy. God is too good to me.
Every year as I grow more and more in Christ, I find myself seeing these family gatherings a little differently. Honestly, the salvation of my cousins, aunts, and uncles is always in my mind. So when we all meet up, I’m always looking to talk about God in some way. By His grace, I had such a good talk with my cousin Eddie.
He checks up on me every year and always asks me the relatively same questions. "How’s school? Get into any fights? Got a girlfriend yet? Been doing anything bad, weed? Drinking?" But this year he also asked me "So what are you thinking about for the future?" I told him how I just want to follow whatever God calls me to and that I’m still a little in the dark. I told him how I had initially wanted to go into medical, but I saw my interests beginning to lean more towards people and literature. And I told him how it would personally be MY dream to go into ministry.
After I told him all this, he seemed to be in thought for a few seconds. Then he looked at me and said, "Have you read the book of Daniel? You should read it again. You know I’m in full-time ministry right? I’m the accountant for the mission teams. If you have a heart for ministry, then I would personally say ‘go for it.’ Just know this though Dan, always be right with God before making any decision. If you are right with Him, He won’t let you make a wrong decision. Think about that. Ahh.. you’ve grown up to be such a man of God, Dan. You always were different from us. We were the worst kids ever. God has found so much favor with you. Keep praying and keep seeking Him, and He’ll lead you down the path you’re meant to go."
Ahh, such a good conversation with such a great brother in Christ. These words were so encouraging and so reassuring. Definitely needed to hear this.
Whatever Your plans are for me, Lord.. I will follow! My job, my wife, my decisions, my entire future. It’s in Your hands. I need to continue to seek You and grow in YOU, so that Your desires may be mine.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I am extremely, EXTREMELY inept at anything pertaining to problem-solving and/or finding a solution. Evidence of statement: failing physics + maintaining a solid C- in pre-calc.
Got back my physics quiz today that I studied mad hard for. 68% wahoooo.
Got back my pop-essay quiz in english today of which I did not even read the book for. 88%.
I can accumulate a solid 88 points for handing in 2 pages of nice-sounding ddong, but I cannot seem to reach anything higher than a D in solving for a set answer.
People complain that english class is too subjective, but I’m honestly so happy that it is. I’m so much stronger at appealing to the individual through my own means of work, rather than finding a set answer through given laws and formulas.
Perhaps this is God telling me I should go into more social fields. If I were to gauge my interest in science and math from 1 to 100, it’d probably be around a 3.52.
Or maybe this is God telling me to suck it up and study harder. Hehe.
“My bride, do you remember your first Love? And the feeling you had for Me? Do you remember our long walks and the way that you stepped with Me? Do you remember our long talks, and the way that you wept with Me?…. Your eyes used to glisten like the stars, and I’m just kinda wondering where you are…. I’m here with you and I want you to see, that that cross you took up to follow Me, is not dead, and I am not another empty fleeting thing….”—Levi The Poet (via katweenah)
Father, I wasn’t expecting anything. I chose not to expect anything. My body was hurting, had no food in my stomach, I was honestly so beat up before the 1st match even started. But Lord.. 3 wins AND 3 pins!? Beating kids 10-22 pounds heavier than me!? I am not even a strong 160 pounder. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve anything. All odds were against ME, but YOU allowed me to win everything today. Father.. Ahh.. Thank You. Thank You so much..
Of course I wanted to win, but I put everything in Your hands. And in Your hands, only beautiful things happen. Before each match, You heard me lift up genuine prayers to You. As soon as I won my last match and ran to the corner of the room by myself, did You see the tears in my eyes Father? Tears of absolute gratefulness. I’m so overwhelmed by Your grace for me.. I wasn’t supposed to win today. Phil. 4:13. Always.
Father, I choose to glorify YOU. Please let no glory be mine, YOU are the one carrying me. Before and after every match, let all the prayer and the praise go to YOU and You alone. That people may not see me on that mat wrestling, but the Christ inside me, encouraging me and empowering me.
Continue to carry me through, Lord. Always. I’m trusting You, I’m depending on You, all my faith and strength is in You. Win or lose, I choose to praise You all the same.
Weighed out at 161.4. Run tonight, i’ll make 160.0 tomorrow.
This week was tough. I both succeeded and failed in disciplining myself this past week. Many ups and downs. However, God has been so faithful.
Father, thank You for absolutely everything. Please continue to carry me throughout this entire season. Allow me to wrestle above and beyond expectation tomorrow. Whether I win or lose, all glory and praise still be to YOU and You alone. I haven’t been eating or drinking right, so I don’t think I will be getting any strength tomorrow from physical nourishment. But Lord, all my strength is coming from You tomorrow. I’m in Your hands. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.
So today at wrestling practice, Werntz sat us down for a good 15 minutes before practice just to talk to us. He normally doesn’t take this much time out of practice to speak to us, so I listened attentively. He started off about how he was pretty pissed that around half the wrestlers hadn’t shown up at practice the day before. Most of them with poor excuses. But then he started to talk to about the team and the responsibilities and sacrifices that came with being on the Marlboro Wrestling Team.
"Look, being on this wrestling team isn’t supposed to be easy. It also isn’t an optional thing, you guys need to be here every single day. Every other sport, track, swimming, basketball.. they have practice everyday. With wrestling, we come in everyday but we don’t practice, we train. You are in this room training. ‘Cause when match time comes around and you get your sorry a** beaten in front of your mom, your dad, your friends, your girlfriend.. it’s embarrassing. When you lose your match, you can’t blame the linebacker. You can’t blame the pitcher for screwing up. When you’re on that mat and you lose, you have nobody to blame but yourself. You are in here training everyday to take down and beat one other man that is training just as hard as you. And guess what, when you skip a day of training, your opponent isn’t going to skip with you. He’s in his school’s wrestling room training his butt off, while YOU’RE taking a break. Hwang, I understand you have band and other obligations, but when you’re out one day, who doesn’t have a partner? Zach. So not only are you taking a day off, you’re preventing Zach from training as well. Guys, being on this team is a sacrifice. You guys sacrifice your time and effort to make this team the best that it can be. That usually means cutting weight for the team, going the best weight you possibly can, giving more than 100% in the room. Look, Hwang, I know cutting weight isn’t easy. My senior year, I went from 170 to 145. Why? Because that was the weight I’d be best at. I sacrificed for myself and for the team. You didn’t certify for this week’s match at 160. So now for this week’s match, everybody’s getting bumped up. Zach, do you like it that I have to bump you up to 182? Gabe, you’re going 195. Shtindler we’ll have to see what’s going on with you at 220 or heavy-weight. What you do affects the entire team. It’s a sacrifice, men. We have been a respectable team for years, I don’t want this year to be the year we embarrass ourselves. Mitch, Vinnie, and Anzy aren’t here anymore. Hwang, you could’ve gotten pinned a few matches and it would’ve been okay, because they would’ve been right there to cover up those points. But they’re GONE. They’re not here anymore. They did their job for the team, and they’re GONE. But YOU’RE HERE. We are a young team. You upperclassmen can’t hide behind Mitch anymore. You can’t hide behind Vinnie anymore. Now it’s YOU guys that have to step up.”
Man. Haha, Coach grilled me today. But I think I definitely needed it. If I’m going to be wrestling this year, I should put my everything into it. I should be giving nothing short of my best.
I know I didn’t certify for 160 the first match, so I expected Coach to just forfeit 160 this week and sit me out. But he wants me to wrestle. That means he has the confidence in me to bump me up to 170 and take on 3 kids in one day, at a weight class above my normal one. Not making weight usually results in match suspension, but Coach still wants me to wrestle. Ahh.. seriously don’t wanna disappoint him!
Today got me pumped though. Time to step up. These next few days will be straight up running, minimal food, and working out. I’m already pretty weak for a 160, so I seriously need to be strong this week going against 3 170’s. Time to turn this mushy upper-body into something solid LOL.
Coach wants a leader this year, I’ll show him a leader.
how, how in the world are you so spiritually devoted, shoot, ill never be on your level, please, teach me how to do it, please teach me how to get that fire back, i had it once, but idk where it went=/
Hey I don’t want you to ever think that I’m on this “different level”. God gives grace to whom He chooses, BUT He has given us means of grace as well. That’s through praying, reading His word, etc. He wants your heart, and He wants all of it.
My friend asked me recently, “Dan how did you grow out of your skepticism/doubts?” And I thought for a second and replied “You have to want it.” I wish I could tell you a step-by-step process to “get the fire back”, but I think that lies with God and God alone. But what you can do is SEEK Him. Like I mentioned before, these means of grace. Showing God that you are completely willing to live for Him. Jeremiah 29:13.
One thing that constantly keeps me going is wanting more. I can’t stand the monotony of this world, the limitations of the human mind, and just.. this finite process of living. I yearn for more, always. And the beautiful thing is.. God is infinite. There’s ALWAYS more to seek and more to find. If you want more than the average “sunday christian” relationship, if you want that fire back, pray for more! :] I’ll be praying for you as well. Only by His grace! Remember, you are LOVED!
Lord, You are too great. How a casual, tired wrestling bus-ride back can turn into a spiritual conversation. I thank You for giving me that opportunity.
I pray that I may have planted many seeds tonight. Lord, even if it was just one seed. Anything to further Your kingdom. Allow them to see what I am seeing, because I am so deeply in love with You Father. THANK YOU!
Ahhh. Saved by grace, not by works. I am refreshed. Praise the Lord.
This will be one tough week. I’m not even going to say how much I weigh right now.. Argh. Why the heck have I been gaining so much. It’s been consuming my mind, it’s becoming all I’m thinking about.. So much worry, so much anxiety. Just been constantly thinking about how I’m gonna get this weight off. Especially with coach texting me every day, I can’t help but stress a bit. "We need you to be a rock in the line up this season. Just need you to be a leader on a young inexperienced team." I’m so ready to take on that role coach, but oh my.. going 160 2 years in a row is ridiculously hard.
Ah. But I’m not going to let the stress get to me. I’m SO determined to make this week a week of discipline. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I’m ready to discipline myself physically. Run every morning + night. Practices. Going to club this thursday. I will be 160.0 at the end of this week.
I’m ready to discipline myself mentally. Keep my thoughts pure, keep my thoughts edifying and helpful. Also ready to step up academically. Need to discipline myself especially in that area as well.
I’m ready to discipline myself emotionally. What am I worshiping? I refuse to let my emotions stray from my first and true love. Father, all my love for YOU.
I’m ready to discipline myself spiritually. Delving into Philippians and more scripture with my entire heart and mind geared towards GROWTH. Empty me of myself, and fill me up with more of God. "I want more, I want more, I want MORE of You Jesus.."
Clinging onto the ever-relevant truth of Hebrews 12:11. "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
Lead me, Lord.. Keep my eyes, my mind, and my heart focused on the bigger, more important things. I’m ready for this week Father.
Sooooo little time. So much to say, so much to do. So much prayer needed. So much love needed. So much grace needed.
Does anybody else feel the anguish I’m feeling? If so, please stand up and do something. If you want change, SHOW IT. Actions speak louder than words, your lifestyle speaks LOUDLY. Particularly towards my brothers, it’s time to man UP. It’s time to start growing, we’ve been stagnated for too long. Come ON NOW. I’m looking around and I’m seeing my brothers being consumed. Unfortunately, it is a slow fade. We’re being distracted by so many things. We can’t just press pause on this war for our souls.
To my struggling brothers out there, God is well-pleased. The very fact that you are still struggling to be holy is a sign of righteousness in itself. I honor the brother who fails to lust every single day, BUT gets up and genuinely tries again in GRACE because he knows that there is absolutely NO condemnation in Christ. I honor the brother who is making a conscious effort to be holy. To please God. To serve something outside of himself.
But I can’t help but feel this anguish inside my heart towards the brothers who treat Christ like He’s a toy. Is God just an emotion to you!? Let’s man. up.
Agh.. Whether or not this is righteous or unrighteous anger, Lord forgive me.. I need to be more patient. You are working and You are moving, who am I to dictate who should grow and who shouldn’t. Sigh. I just so desperately want us to be a generation that is radically different. This world is becoming so freaking disgusting, let us be the history makers.. ahh. Allow me to use these emotions as motivation to more fervently pray for revival in my generation.
More, Lord. Please.. more.
Just need peace for now.. Heading off to bed, lifting it up to the only one I can trust. Abba, abba.
I should probably be studying, but I feel the need to get this down in words first. I type this up in hopes of blessing anyone who reads this.
One of my favorite stories in the bible is the story of the Israelites. This story essentially begins in Exodus, but I love it because it resounds to this very day. I feel like the sovereignty of God really shines when we look a little deeper into the story, and realize that.. WE are just like the Israelites. This seemingly impersonal bible story becomes all the more personal when we realize how relevant it is to us today.
Many of us have heard of/know the story of the Israelites. About how God had sent Moses to set the Israeli captives free. And how after Moses led them across the Red Sea, God had placed them right in the wilderness. They spent 40 years in the wilderness and eventually reached the Promised Land.
You may be asking, "Alright Dan, this is sunday school stuff.. so what?"
I bring up this story because I want us to take a look into how RELEVANT this is to US! To this very day!
The Israelites moaned and cried out during their slavery in Egypt. They beseeched God, they cried out for Him, and God heard their pleas. He broke their chains of slavery and they were FREE. He then placed them in the wilderness for 40 years, but not in vain.
In the same way before we became saved, we longed for more. While we were in bondage to sin, we cried out for God, we pleaded for redemption. God heard our pleas and He set us free! We are no longer bound to the law, to sin, to any power BUT Christ. But while we are free, God places us in this same wilderness. The world. Our lives. In this wilderness we come face to face with sins of all kind: idolatry, lust, pride, etc. We get bogged down with things like schoolwork, broken friendships, torn apart families, and just struggles of all kinds. But just like God had promised the Israelites, He promises US something even GREATER! He promises us paradise! A place of no suffering, no weeping, no tears, no lust, no pride, no sin.
But I think one thing we have to understand deeply is that.. while we are in this wilderness, God not only promises us a perfect end, He promises to sustain us all the way through. He isn’t going to keep watch over you for a few years, then just leave. He’s going to watch over you the entire way, making sure you have all the means for reaching His glorious end for us.
The bible says the Israelites fell. Countless times. They were sick of struggling. If we were to go back and know what the Israelites were thinking, I’m pretty sure we’d find this kind of questioning: "God.. can’t You see that I’m hurting? Where are You? I’m trying to keep hope in this desert, but I honestly feel like You’re not even there." or "God, You set me free. And I’m grateful for that, but why the heck are we in this wilderness? And for 40 years!? Why!?"
I honestly think that it’s the same for us today. We’re always asking God when our struggles are going to end, we question His presence, His sovereignty, His love. But I think that’s exactly where the Israelites fell. They forgot who set them free. They forgot His promises. They forgot His love.
Last saturday, I was praying for my brother Michael. He was telling me about his problems and my heart felt so heavy. He was struggling so much. He was feeling so down, the past week was one of the worst weeks he’s had in a while. He was just mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted. So I began to lift him up in prayer. Around 15 minutes had passed, and I had finished praying. But I felt like I needed to say something to my beloved brother. So I just asked God, "Lord.. I don’t know what to say. Give me words. I need You to touch Michael tonight. Please." After a few seconds of silence, God spoke powerfully. "Please remind Michael how much I love him." I burst out weeping. I held Michael’s hands and brought his head close to mine.
"Mike, I just prayed and.. right now, God wants you to know how much He loves you. You know the story of the Israelites right? About how God put them in the wilderness. God puts us in that same wilderness Mike. But I need you know that although you’re walking through this desert.. that although this week was the worst week in a while.. that ALTHOUGH you feel like giving up, God is holding you in His hands. He looks at you right in the eyes Mike, and He’s saying these very words. 'My child.. Michael. I love you. So much. Why would I forsake you!? I KNOW you're going through hard times, I KNOW you're hurting, I KNOW you're torn. But I need you to know that I'm HERE. I'm ALWAYS here. I'm giving you everything you NEED to keep on going. I'm giving you your daily bread, I'm sustaining you. Please don't worry. Please don't feel defeated. Please don't give up. Have I not shown you my love yet!? Just think about the cross. When I was on that cross, I had YOU in my mind! At the pinnacle of all my suffering, YOU were on my mind.. my beloved child.. so why.. why.. why would I ever forsake you? You're going to come face to face with demons, with struggles, with persecutions of all kinds. But just keep looking at ME. I will take your burdens, there is hope in me. I need you to know Michael that.. I love you. I love you so much.'”
My dear brothers and sisters.. I earnestly believe that these are the words He speaks to you. His beloved, His child, His creation. He had sustained the Israelites perfectly, what makes you think He won’t do the same for you? He died for YOU, what makes you think His love has grown dry? His love for you has been the same from the beginning of time and will be the same all the way to eternity.
He loves you, so much. He will sustain, He will provide. He looks at you in the eyes with nothing but love.
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." 2 Corinth. 4:8-10.
So while we are walking through this desert on Earth, let’s keep running. Let’s keep fighting. Let’s keep finding strength in our amazing Father. Our God is so good.
I feel like sometimes my thought process is never-ending.
I’m always thinking about everything. Sometimes significant things. Many times, extrospective observations that become introspective. Social observation. E v e r y thing. I wonder if anyone else thinks what I think. But then again, I feel like I wouldn’t even be able to begin to verbalize my thoughts without seeming absolutely insane. So maybe I’ll never know if anyone can relate. Perhaps the only thoughts that I am able to verbalize, God wants me to share. And everything else is meant to stay inside my head.
But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Only God knows my thoughts inside and out perfectly, even better than I know my own thoughts. And that’s all that matters. :]
Dragging my body around the house, wandering aimlessly, doing absolutely nothing productive.
Can’t shake this feeling. No motivation to study, no motivation to lose 14 pounds in 3 freakin days, no motivation to do anything.. All I honestly want to do is pray, lay in my bed, and read the bible. Don’t wanna do no Newtonian Dynamics, don’t wanna read about how we annexed Hawaii. aHHHHH
Lord, break this indifference. Agh. Don’t know how this week is going to pan out. It can go either really well or really badly. But all I know is that I need You so much. In my loneliness, in my tiredness, in my hopelessness, I’m clinging onto Romans 8:28. Lord, please..