Jesus brought a word to people to stop being prideful and to love each other. Still, he was hated by so many. He flipped the societal ideals upside down and brought hope to souls who were condemned by hopelessness. Still, he had people wanting to kill him. People judged him and acted out of jealousy and rage because they could not understand his words and actions. So unreasonable. People’s hearts can be so dark. Expect it, Dan. Expect it.
The anger that comes from my heart in different circumstances is not a spontaneous overflowing of unprecedented emotion - it has always been there.
I must learn to come to a resting peace and a genuine forgiveness.
Without either, my heart will always be harboring.
Break these chains.
I think it’s so important to see past people’s exteriors.
When I was battling depression heavily, I wanted nothing more than to be alone, far away from anything. I wanted people to stop asking me what was wrong, I wanted them to let me be, to let me wallow and drown in my hopelessness. I didn’t appreciate the prayers being prayed over me, the lackluster attempts at reaching out to me, and the special recognition I got for being “sad” all the time. It all made me bitter. So, so bitter. I labeled the people as fake and, as a result, wanted to be alone even more. I stopped going out of my way to meet up with friends, I brushed off people who came to me for guidance, I never looked genuinely happy. I was no longer myself.
It wasn’t until my battle with depression had subsided when I finally heard love knocking on the door of my heart, quietly at first and then louder and harder until I could no longer stop it from rushing in. I began to see the previously infuriating actions of the people around me as glimpses of Jesus. The conflicted look my roommate, Isaac, would give me when he saw me lying on my bed, missing classes, not talking to anyone. He wanted to help, but I wouldn’t let him and so all he could do was pray for me and try to cheer me up, day by day. The messages on Tumblr I received from many people, telling me it would be okay and that God has a plan for my life. “I don’t want to live right now, so thanks but no thanks. Stop messaging me” would be my initial thoughts. The advice from people who would probably never understand my circumstance, the sermons I heard every week, the prayer nights I kept going to for some reason — all of it. All of these things cracked away at my shell of utter hopelessness towards life and bitterness towards everyone. Slowly but surely. I was being freed from the chains from which my mind had convinced itself that I would never and should never be freed.
And so my brothers and sisters, I encourage you to look deeper into every single human being who walks this Earth. There are people out there who are drowning and cannot even see it for themselves. I was one of those people, but there were God-sends in my life who saw me not for who I showed them, but for who I actually was. They saw things in me that I could not see myself. They saw love past the bitterness, they saw a testimony to bring multitudes to Christ through my depression.
Everybody has the potential to be a greater person than they could have ever imagined. Everybody has the potential to do something extraordinary. Some people just need to be believed in so much so that they start believing in themselves. Don’t count anyone out.
“You know, if you ain’t poor, you might think it’s the folks in them big ole fine brick churches that’s doin all the givin and the carin and the prayin. I wish you coulda seen all them little circles a’ homeless folks with their heads bowed and their eyes closed, whisperin what was on their hearts. Seemed like they didn’t have nothin to give, but they was givin what they had, takin the time to knock on God’s front door and ask Him to heal this woman that had loved them.”—Denver Moore speaking about Deborah Hall
How does one get rid of anger and bitterness? Do you know of any verses about why or how depression can be unfruitful?
We have to turn to different things. To surround ourselves with people, activities, and influences that change our attitudes. THEN, we can deal with the anger and bitterness. Anger puts a lens over our eyes - we begin to see things for what they aren’t and only through outside influences we can take off that lens. No verses come to mind as to WHY depression can be unfruitful, but Paul does say to keep our minds on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. I don’t think he says those things to merely keep us happy, but because he probably knew the toxic effects depressing thoughts had on the mind and heart. Hey, but I would love to talk off anonymous with you, beautiful person. Don’t be shy! :}
When people say: I’m a mess they’re not warning you off they’re willing you closer to see past the sadness at 2AM, and the chain-smoking, the crying at pianists midnight meals, foetal positions and the sulk of bottom lips
there’s something inherently vulnerable about it 'i'm a mess' it’s filled with a soft stark pleading you won’t hear unless you’re listening right and all it means is 'please don't leave me here alone.'
“COMPLIMENTS THAT AREN’T ABOUT PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
1) You’re empowering.
2) I like your voice.
3) You’re strong.
4) I think your ideas/beliefs matter.
5) I’m so happy you exist.
6) More people should be listening to what you have to say.
7) You’re a very warm hearted person.
8) It’s nice seeing such kindness.
9) You’re very down to earth.
10) You have a beautiful soul.
11) You inspire me to become a better person.
12) Our conversations bring me a lot of joy.
13) It’s good to see someone care so much.
14) You’re so understanding.
15) You matter a lot to me.
16) You’re important even if you don’t think so.
17) You’re intelligent.
18) Your passion is contagious.
19) Your confidence is refreshing.
20) You restore my faith in humanity.
21) You’re great at being creative.
22) You’re so talented at ____.
23) I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people.
24) You have great taste in ___.
25) I’m happy I stayed alive long enough to meet you.
26) I wish more people were like you.
27) You’re so good at loving people.”—3:29 p.m. feel free to add to this! (via expresswithsilence)
Looking back just makes me feel like a failure. I can see what is toxic for some people and what is not, but the issue is bringing it up. I can’t tell people what to do with their lives and it hurts that I can be brushed away so easily for toxic decisions. Maybe it’s my role to just step back and let life take its course. I don’t know. Looking forward.
A guy who innately hates people and would rather be alone most of the time fights to see the good in everyone while also trying to love them despite all circumstances.
- an honest autobiography by Dan Hwang
Ever since starting college, I've become more and more distant with faith. I kept telling myself that time would heal everything, but it's been three years now and I'm still in the same place. I don't really believe in anything on a day to day basis anymore, but I find myself calling to Him when things get tough, which I totally hate... Do I stop being Christian or do I keep trying? Thanks.
Keep trying, keep trying, my friend. Keeping the faith is a race, it’s a fight. It is something we must contend for on a daily basis. Come off anonymous so we can talk more about it! :} I know I was so late to reply to this question and I apologize for that. Please come talk to me!
Rogue (What makes it hard for people to get close to you?) - Well a lot of people say I’m intimidating at first meeting. So I guess that’s the first barrier: approaching me HAHA. Otherwise, I don’t know. I’m a pretty friendly guy. I don’t think it’s that hard to get close to me. I’ve never really cared about status, popularity, who I’m seen with. Always love making myself available to everyone.
Black Bolt (What don’t you ever do?) - Hm. I don’t ever go to Chipotle and then not get something to eat. I can’t really think of anything.. sorry for the poop answer.
Dan, I've got a prayer request. You may not want to, and it's fine. I'm torn apart of the judgement of people and so I ask a prayer request that I could be strong to endure through that. Thanks a lot.
YES of course I want to, my friend. Hey, if you’re willing, please come off anonymous! I would love to talk to you 1 on 1. With me, I promise there will be no judgement. I have faced the thorns of judgement as well. It’s a hard battle to fight alone. Let me fight with you?
I didn’t want to be there tonight. Not in that sanctuary, with those thoughts, with those scars. I didn’t want to sing, I didn’t want to pray, I didn’t want to feel. As much as I wanted to leave, I stood up reluctantly. And I lifted my hands. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to. That maybe lifting my hands, maybe moving when every inch of my body didn’t want to, maybe praising when my voice did not want to be heard.. maybe all those things would somehow take me to a different place. It didn’t take me to a different place. Rather, it brought a different place right to me. God met me where I was.
To worship when my heart doesn’t want to. To worship through the demons stabbing at my mind. I am learning.
Beast (Favorite book) - Christian might be Radical by David Platt. I don’t think it was a particularly astounding book in comparison to the ones that may be out there, but I read it in a time when it was needed. Secular would be THE KITE RUNNER. A beautiful story of unconditional love, dealing with pressure and guilt, and redemption.
Doctor Strange (Talk about a moment your life changed paths) - When my previous youth pastor and mentor took a summer to invest into/disciple me. It was then when I went from wanting to be a doctor to a pastor/teacher. And now I can’t see myself doing anything else.
Cyclops (What do you worry about?) - I tend not to worry too much, but some worries would probably be.. if I’ll be a useful pastor. If I will be the father/husband/friend I’ve always idealized people to be. If I will lose my mind one day. If my friends are where they need to be in life. If I can help anyone through some means and I’m simply not doing it. Eh, those are a few that come to mind immediately.
Black Widow (Tell a secret) - Was not properly potty-trained until around middle-school.
Wolverine (What are things you regret?) - Mm. I’ve learned to take most things as gain, as things that have helped me grow into who I am today. But occasionally I’ll go back on old messages and read what I sent to people, the advice I gave, the tone in which I gave it, etc, and I’ll have tinges of regret. If you want to know deeper things I regret, feel free to message and I’ll share :}
When I’m a father, I want to teach my children the importance of character. Yes, education is so important and I want them to exercise their intelligence and academic potentials to the highest extent, but simply put, it is not of the utmost priority. I wouldn’t be upset knowing my son put off an essay until the last minute because he just couldn’t stop journaling and writing about the things that ignited his heart. I wouldn’t be upset knowing my daughter fell asleep in class because she was up until 4 a.m. comforting and being there for a friend.
Growing up with 1st generation Korean parents, the importance of academics, going to church on Sundays, and obeying orders was drilled into my head constantly. Rarely was I ever asked about my relationship with God, how my heart was, what I was passionate about. And so those things were just never developed at home. It was always other people who ended up providing that for me - mentors, teachers, friends. But that’s exactly what I want to be for my children, as a father. I want to be their mentor, teacher, and friend. I want to show them the importance of compassion over straight A’s. Realness over routine. Virtue and passion over money and worldly success. Love over everything.
We’re gonna be one passionate family, y’all. Just you wait, future Hwangs.
Slept for 10 hours but woke up at least 5 times during.
It’s been like this for at least the past month.
Always so freakin tired.. I just want one full night of sleep.
What is making me wake up so much..
TRIGGER WARNING: This article consists of strong language and thematic elements and scenarios (including rape/date rape) that may not be suitable for all readers. Please read with caution. This is a true account. In order to protect the safety of the writer, names and other identifying information have been changed. Thank you.
As soon as he finished, I ran into the bathroom while he got…