In the end, it really is just You and me God.

I want to fall deeper in love with the One who has been for me through it all.

The anger that comes from my heart in different circumstances is not a spontaneous overflowing of unprecedented emotion - it has always been there.
I must learn to come to a resting peace and a genuine forgiveness.
Without either, my heart will always be harboring.
Break these chains.

I don’t feel like talking to people tonight.
Don’t feel like opening up my bible, praying.
Sorry everybody who wanted to talk or sent me a message..
Yeah.. sorry.
Good night.

Look Deeper

I think it’s so important to see past people’s exteriors.

When I was battling depression heavily, I wanted nothing more than to be alone, far away from anything. 
I wanted people to stop asking me what was wrong, I wanted them to let me be, to let me wallow and drown in my hopelessness. I didn’t appreciate the prayers being prayed over me, the lackluster attempts at reaching out to me, and the special recognition I got for being “sad” all the time. It all made me bitter. So, so bitter. I labeled the people as fake and, as a result, wanted to be alone even more. I stopped going out of my way to meet up with friends, I brushed off people who came to me for guidance, I never looked genuinely happy. I was no longer myself.

It wasn’t until my battle with depression had subsided when I finally heard love knocking on the door of my heart, quietly at first and then louder and harder until I could no longer stop it from rushing in.
I began to see the previously infuriating actions of the people around me as glimpses of Jesus.
The conflicted look my roommate, Isaac, would give me when he saw me lying on my bed, missing classes, not talking to anyone. He wanted to help, but I wouldn’t let him and so all he could do was pray for me and try to cheer me up, day by day.
The messages on Tumblr I received from many people, telling me it would be okay and that God has a plan for my life. “I don’t want to live right now, so thanks but no thanks. Stop messaging me” would be my initial thoughts.
The advice from people who would probably never understand my circumstance, the sermons I heard every week, the prayer nights I kept going to for some reason — all of it.
All of these things cracked away at my shell of utter hopelessness towards life and bitterness towards everyone. Slowly but surely. 
I was being freed from the chains from which my mind had convinced itself that I would never and should never be freed.

And so my brothers and sisters, I encourage you to look deeper into every single human being who walks this Earth.
There are people out there who are drowning and cannot even see it for themselves. I was one of those people, but there were God-sends in my life who saw me not for who I showed them, but for who I actually was. They saw things in me that I could not see myself. 
They saw love past the bitterness, they saw a testimony to bring multitudes to Christ through my depression.

Everybody has the potential to be a greater person than they could have ever imagined.
Everybody has the potential to do something extraordinary.

Some people just need to be believed in so much so that they start believing in themselves.
Don’t count anyone out.

You know, if you ain’t poor, you might think it’s the folks in them big ole fine brick churches that’s doin all the givin and the carin and the prayin. I wish you coulda seen all them little circles a’ homeless folks with their heads bowed and their eyes closed, whisperin what was on their hearts. Seemed like they didn’t have nothin to give, but they was givin what they had, takin the time to knock on God’s front door and ask Him to heal this woman that had loved them.
Denver Moore speaking about Deborah Hall
How does one get rid of anger and bitterness? Do you know of any verses about why or how depression can be unfruitful?

We have to turn to different things.
To surround ourselves with people, activities, and influences that change our attitudes. THEN, we can deal with the anger and bitterness.
Anger puts a lens over our eyes - we begin to see things for what they aren’t and only through outside influences we can take off that lens.
No verses come to mind as to WHY depression can be unfruitful, but Paul does say to keep our minds on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. I don’t think he says those things to merely keep us happy, but because he probably knew the toxic effects depressing thoughts had on the mind and heart.
Hey, but I would love to talk off anonymous with you, beautiful person.
Don’t be shy! :}

I say NO to the thoughts of hopelessness.
I say NO to the loneliness.
I say NO to the feelings of failure.
I say NO to the lack of purpose.
I say NO to the apathy.

have you ever met anyone from this site? anyone on here that you are friends with or close to at all?

Mm, I don’t think I have!
And YES! I have found so many genuine people on this site. I wish I could see all of them at least once in real life.


When people say: I’m a mess
they’re not warning you off
they’re willing you closer
to see past the sadness at 2AM,
and the chain-smoking, the crying at pianists
midnight meals, foetal positions and the sulk of bottom lips 

there’s something inherently vulnerable about it
'i'm a mess' 
it’s filled with a soft stark pleading you won’t hear unless you’re listening right and all it means is 
'please don't leave me here alone.' 


3 fevers in a month. What is going on..